April 22, 2011

Learning

A time comes in your life when you finally catch on. When you finally get it. When, in the midst of all your tears, your pain and your fears, you stop. And somewhere, a voice cries out saying - enough! Enough crying, enough fighting, enough struggling to hold on. And like a child hushing after a blind tantrum, your sobs subside. You pause to take a breath, you blink back the tears in your eyes and you begin to look at the world differently.

You realize you aren't perfect and that not everyone will always love and appreciate you for who or what you are. And you realize that that's okay, because everyone is entitled to their own views and their own opinions. You stop complaining and blaming others for what they did to you or what they didn't do for you. You learn that people are not always going to say what they mean or mean what they say. You learn that not everyone will always be there for you, and that it's not always about you. You learn to stand on your own and to take care of yourself. And in the process, a sense of safety and security is born from self-reliance. You learn that the concept of honesty and the principle of integrity are not obsolete ideals of a departed age, but are two of the most important things you need to live by. You stop judging and begin accepting others as they are. You learn to overlook their shortcomings and as a result, you gain a sense of peace from forgiveness. 

You learn that life isn't fair. You don't always get what you think you may deserve and that sometimes, bad things just happen to unsuspecting and undeserving good people. You learn to stop personalizing everything. You learn that negative feelings like envy, anger and resentment must be understood and they must be redirected or else it will suffocate you. You learn to admit you were wrong. You learn to own up to your mistakes.

You learn about love. How to love and how much to give. You love hard when there is love to be had. You gain the courage and wisdom to look at relationships as they are, the truth of the good and the bad, and not as you would have them be. 

You learn being alone does not have to mean lonely. You stop working so hard at putting your feelings aside and smoothing things over. You learn to stop ignoring your needs. You learn the validity of your feelings, but you also learn that they should not always be acted upon. You realize that it is okay to want things and you have every right to want them and that sometimes it's necessary to make demands. You come to the realization that you also deserve to be treated with love, kindness and respect. 

You learn that you don't know everything and that you can't help everyone. You learn that everyone is responsible for themselves and that everyone is given opportunities to make choices for themselves. You learn you can't control every situation and every outcome. Slowly, you begin to take responsibility for yourself by yourself. You make yourself a promise to never betray yourself and to never, ever settle for less than what your heart desires. You take more time to laugh. You take more time to play.  

You learn to appreciate nice people. You learn to truly appreciate those with genuinely kind hearts. You learn to appreciate the sun and the clouds. You learn to appreciate every thing that has ever been given to you, because it's wonderful. You learn to go forward in life with a twinkle in your eye, a smile on your face and with great purpose in your heart. 

You learn the importance of loving yourself. That as much as your heart may belong to someone, it still belongs to you, to your duties, to your faith. It belongs to God. You stop to remember what you've always known. God has always loved you and He isn't going to leave you. You learn that God isn't punishing you or failing to answer your prayers. It's just life happening. You learn that life, life in itself is the biggest test and that the ultimate goal is still to be reached. You learn to stay strong, you learn that you have to keep reaching. You learn to keep working, that anything worth achieving is worth working hard for. 

He knows the contents of your heart. All you can really ask for is guidance, for perseverance, for direction to keep your heart set toward the goal. You keep loving,  you keep believing, you keep trusting. You learn to let go. You let God.

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